Fancy Sauce – F*ck My Life

Generally speaking, my modus operandi is to laugh hysterically and poke fun at other people’s misfortunes. That, and physical violence is always hilarious. I mean, who doesn’t consider this video to be an all time classic?

That is comedy gold right there. The other type of misfortune that usually tickles my goat is ironic happenstance or the surprising unexpected. Recently, and I’m probably well behind the curve here like I was when people were first receiving handskies, I’ve come across the community blog called F my Life. If you’ve never been, it’s a blog where people write in anonymously to share terrible misfortunes that have occurred in their life. It covers the entire gambit of laughing at people, from people failing at love and sex to others being knocked down a couple of pegs through family or work. Really, it’s a Pandora’s Box of epic fails, and my god, I love laughing at every single person.

Here are a couple of my favorites to get you started:

Fancy Sauce – Spring Break

I guess it is technically spring break for a large number of school-attending youth in America this week. Spring Break used to once be something awesome; time away from school, warmer weather on the horizon, bikinis, sun, booze, sandy beaches and gratuitous T&A being shown 24/7 on MTV. Now, that was a fap show if I’ve ever seen one! Alas, times change and people grow older. Spring break now is not so much a break, but an arbitrary time frame in which I am mildly aware that others are out and about doing things that I used to do. Don’t get me wrong, this year this spring break time frame fell during Saint Patrick’s Day and the beginning of March Madness, so those events offered an unusual respite from my normal mundane 9-5. But it pales in comparison to what used to be the true goal of Spring Break; seeing strange boobs while being wasted. So, in an effort to achieve that goal this week, I am bringing back a location once espoused upon in these pages; the infamous 22nd Street Station in Minneapolis .

Fancy Sauce – March Madness!

 Holy Jesus, we’re half into March already? I mean, I noticed that we were having some lousy Smarch weather already, but I didn’t know that we were this far into it! And where did February go? It seemed that I had just fallen into the terrible depths of Minnesota winter and all of a sudden, this? The sun is shining, the shit colored snow is melting, and the sap of a young man is starting to flow. On top of all of this, my second favorite sporting event time is soon upon us as well (outside of anything and everything that has to do with the NFL), that being March Madness and the NCAA Tournament!

 

Fancy Sauce – Go to Hell, Mondays

God, I hate Mondays. I hate Mondays so much that they still make Sunday a terrible day as well, doubly so without football, and despite the fact that I don’t have loads of homework to do anymore on Sunday night at this stage in my life. Really, you have to truly hate a day so fully that it ruins an entire other day for you. I don’t even know if I’m that upset about Mondays, now that I think about, because that’s really impressive. I’m not sure if I can pinpoint another day, or event, or even person that I dislike so much that it utterly and completely brings something akin to it to a depressing crawl. And that’s what Sundays are like; a slow crawl into this dreaded morning. The day just drags on with the clock continually ticking away until you resign yourself to laying down in your bed even though you aren’t tired, awaiting your fate that is Monday morning.

oowallo’s Fancy Sauce

Oh, hello there. I did not see you come in. Please, sit in one of my many leather finished chairs and let me pour you a scotch that we can enjoy in front of my roaring fireplace that is decorated with a stuffed moose head. Welcome to my domain. I hope you enjoy your stay here.

 

Let me start with an assumption. You’re here because you are interested in the simulated football league called Goal Line Blitz. Ah. I thought I may be correct. Let me take this further. You are also here because you’re looking for information that you cannot find anywhere else. Not as close to the mark? Maybe you’d be interested in reading some infamous poop stories, or hearing my personal opinion on why the leader in sports reporting is essentially a rotting carcass, or perhaps you would like to share in my wonderment of internet memes. Pique your interest? No? Well, all I ask is that you enjoy your glass of scotch then, and let me run my mouth and occasionally humor, or perhaps horrify, you with tales from my mahogany book shelves. Because that is what this occasional column will be about; things that are fantastic, much like Fancy Sauce.

 

What? You are unfamiliar with fancy sauce? Well, let me introduce you.

 

 

Delicious! Hope to see you again soon!